Forget Fixing the NBA Playoffs, Let's Fix the NFL, Haka Style!

Over the past week, my brother introduced me to a few YouTube clips of what can go down as a movement that will make the NFL even more exciting than ever. The clips were of the national rugby team, the New Zealand All Blacks. I was so inspired by the clip, I decided to dedicate this weeks blog to the subject. As a result, the following blog will have several links to YouTube videos, all work-safe by the way.

Before I begin daydreaming about how more awesome the NFL could be, let me introduce the All Blacks and why they are so special. As you can see here, the All Blacks, have a ritual that kicks so much ass, Chuck Norris wouldn't be able to compete. The team performs a dance called "Haka", before every game to honor the native Polynesian tribes of New Zealand. Although there are many forms of Haka, I will concentrate on the one that relates to the subject at hand.

The Haka was originally performed before a battle to call on the god of war and frighten the enemy. According to a quote from Wikipedia, "It involved fierce facial expressions…, poking out of the tongue, eye bulging, grunts and cries, and the waving of weapons. If the haka was not performed in total unison, this was regarded as a bad omen for the battle… The aim of the warriors was to kill all the members of the enemy war party, so that no survivors would remain to undertake revenge." Whoever thought of adapting this tradition in a game of rugby is a purely a genius. This is exactly what sports are about, especially barbaric sports like rugby or football.

As far as what they are saying, they actually have two versions of the chant; one used for every match occasions, and one used for special test occasions. This following is the Haka performed at every match occasions followed by its English translation:

Ringa pakia
Uma tiraha
Turi whatia
Hope whai ake
Waewae takahia kia kino

Ka Mate! Ka Mate!
Ka Ora! Ka Ora!
Tenei te ta ngata puhuru huru
Nana nei i tiki mai

Whakawhiti te ra
A upane ka upane!
A upane kaupane whiti te ra!
Hi!!

Slap the hands against the thighs
Puff out the chest
Bend the knees
Let the hip follow
Stamp the feet as hard as you can.

It is death! It is death!
It is life! It is life!
This is the hairy person
Who caused the sun to shine
Keep abreast! Keep abreast
The rank! Hold fast!
Into the sun that shines!

This next one is used for special test occasions followed by its English translation:

Kapa o pango kia whakawhenua au i ahau!
Hi aue, hi!
Ko Aotearoa e ngunguru nei!
Au, au, aue ha!
Ko Kapa o Pango e ngunguru nei!
Au, au, aue ha!
I ahaha!
Ka tu te ihiihi
Ka tu te wanawana
Ki runga ki te rangi e tu iho nei,
tu iho nei, hi!
Ponga ra!
Kapa o Pango, aue hi!
Ponga ra!
Kapa o Pango, aue hi, ha!

Let me become one with the land
This is our land that rumbles
And it's my time! It's my moment!
This defines us as the All Blacks
It's my time! It's my moment!
Our dominance
Our supremacy will triumph
And will be placed on high
Silver fern!
All Blacks!
Silver fern!
All Blacks!

You can decide which one is more bad-ass but in my opinion they both work. The next question is, does this pre-game ritual actually make the team better? The only way to answer this is to look at their stats. The New Zealand All Blacks have a winning record against every country in the world. Their total winning percentage is 74% winning 309 games out of 418 against the rest of the world. Their worst record against one country is against South Africa with a record of 38-29-3. In their tri-nation league along with Australia and South Africa , they have won the championship 7 out of 11 times. As far as the Rugby World Cup goes, although they have not won the championship recently (they won the first world cup ever played in 1987), they are the only team to have played in the semi-final in all five world cups.

Now before anyone can accuse them of buying players to become the world's best, the national team is only allowed to have New Zealand citizens on it. So the only other explanations would be that they are the "Brazilians" of the Rugby world or that their ritual forms a perfect team chemistry allowing them to dominate their competition. To eliminate the speculation that they could be the Brazilians of soccer, we'll take a look at Brazil's stats in soccer. Brazil has losing records against France , Hungary, Norway , and Portugal and a .500 record against Italy, Yugoslavia , Netherlands, and Uruguay. They have won the World Cup five times since 1930, and have played in the semi-final 10 out of 18 times. The rest of the times include six years where they failed to reach the quarter-finals. These statistics prove that every team, no matter how good they are, has a period of a slump. How has the All Blacks national team gone without a slump? The only reasonable explanation is the Haka.

When your team puts fear into the other teams eyes by performing an intense ritual before every game, it's no wonder that they are this good. Not only that but, imagine how much time the team spends practicing that dance so they can all get it right with perfect timing. I guarantee you the coach doesn't allow them to work on that during team practices. This is worked on, on their own time showing their relationship with each other outside of practice is very strong. A group of people this close with one another probably know each other very well, making it all the easier to know how they will react in a certain situation on the field. This is key for sports like rugby and football.

This leads me to propose the NFL to lift the stupid rule of putting an end to team celebrations, but this is a whole other discussion. Men making millions of dollars shouldn't be whining like babies imposing a 15-yard penalty when a team is showing chemistry. Stop complaining about getting your feelings hurt and sportsmanship. If you want them to stop celebrating together, then prevent them from getting into the end zone. Beyond just celebrating in the end zone together, the NFL should encourage teams to perform pre-game rituals much like the All Blacks. The Patriots came the closest to doing so before Super Bowl XXXVI, when they decided to enter the stadium as a team rather than being introduced individually. What was the result? The Patriots pulled off one of the biggest Super Bowl upsets defeating the St. Louis Rams 20-17. Today, every team has entered the stadium together. If a team started performing a ritual together before every game, it would spread like wildfire throughout the league.

Here are a few teams just off the top of my head that could easily pull off something cool: the Kansas City Chiefs, Washington Redskins, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Oakland Raiders, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots, San Francisco 49ers, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Baltimore Ravens. Both the Chiefs and Redskins could honor the Native American tribes of that area by performing one of their dances. The Buccaneers and Raiders could chant some pirate sayings along with the Vikings doing the same for the barbaric Norwegians. The Patriots could sing a bar song from the 1700's; they would have plenty to chose from considering all the drunk Bostonians of the time. The 49ers and Steelers could do the same for what their teams are named after. The Ravens would of course do something different rather than flapping their arms around like idiots; they could all learn the Ray Lewis dance and continue his tradition throughout the team's history.

Would this not boost the ratings to football games tremendously? Not only that but people would tune into the game from the start rather than just trying to catch the 4th quarter. I could watch these clips over and over and over again and it would be just as entertaining as the first time I saw it. Plus it would solve to the problem of teams tanking at the end of the season for draft picks because once you perform the Haka, I truly believe it's impossible to play without intensity. I'm just watching these guys do it and it gets me pumped, if I actually performed it with a group of people, I would rip someone's head off. And that's exactly what the NFL needs more of, less roughing the quarterback penalties, and more of this.

References: YouTube.com, Wikipedia.com, NZAllBlacks.net

Sports Moment of the Week

Rafael Nadal won his third straight French Open denying Roger Federer once again. The French Open is the only major Federer has yet to win.